she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
