There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
