Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
