to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
