Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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