Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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