Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
