:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
