i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
