I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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