you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Randomize
