The maid of honor just puked.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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