Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
