I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
