I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
