my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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