nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
