Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
