woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
