somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
