Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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