Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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