he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
