sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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