You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it because I queefed?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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