Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
