even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
