if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
