Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
