Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
