Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
