You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
