so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
