You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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