ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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