i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
