I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
