I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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