Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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