): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
