Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
