not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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