It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
