What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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