If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
