I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
