I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
