lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
