I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
