I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
